I’ve reached the end, and the beginning. The end of a period so spectacular that I can only thank my stars for how lucky I’ve been. And the start of one that I can only hope is even better.
I’m graduating tomorrow and it’s only now hit me how real this all is. Hitherto it always felt like the important decisions, the major changes and the life-changing events were in the distant future. But here I am, with all these decisions to make and seemingly no way to procrastinate any more.
I’ve been in one school for ten years and another for my last four. Both so vastly different from each other that I can’t compare, and I wish I never have to, because I’ve learnt enormously from my experiences in both these places.
One gave me the pleasure of being lost in the crowd and slipping away unnoticed now and again. It laid the foundation of my character, gave me my morals and discipline. In this convent I made my first friends, had my first fights, won my first prize, lost my first competition, there was ecstacy, despair, and everything in between. I met so many different kinds of people here – some joyful and others on the more sober side, some sensitive and others seemingly impervious to peoples’ thoughts, some so close to demented that they allowed me to let go of my inhibitions and other sane ones who kept me from being reckless.
I joined my second school when I was in the 9th Grade. I’ve had 4 years here and I never believed that that was enough time to make me get attached to a place to so great an extent. This school has given me confidence in my abilities. It is taught me that I am not always going to be the best at what I do but putting my best foot forward is all that really lies in my hands. I’ve had reality checks throughout my journey here. I lost my first election, I lost friends who I thought were in it for the long ride and time and again I’ve realised that life just isn’t fair and that wanting something with all your heart isn’t quite enough. I’ve changed immensely over the past 4 years and I believe that the experiences that this school has given me have played a major role in making me who I am today, and I couldn’t be more thankful for it.
After tomorrow I won’t be a schoolgirl anymore. For 14 years I wished it would be over. That I could go to college- where I wouldn’t have to wear a uniform everyday, where I take a day off without giving in a leave letter, where I could be independent and take control of my life. Now that I’m here I can’t put my finger on what exactly I was looking forward to. I’m stepping into the outside world not sure of what I want and the fear of this unknown seems to overpower the excitement of discovering it. I’m leaving my comfort zone, the safe environment that these schools have given me and I think that’s what weighs down the heaviest. I’m not sad because I am graduating I’m sad because wherever I am after today it’s not going to be the same again. It’s the shift from routine that makes me emotional.
As I write this, I know that there is a whole new world waiting to be conquered, but I can’t bring myself to believe that the next phase can be better than the one I’m leaving behind. Millions have done this before me and many more will after but, in this moment, I can’t express how difficult it is to accept that I will not come back here to study anymore. This is just the first phase of my life, the first among many more to come and that’s the only thing that gives me any consolation.
sandcastlesite 